When I was 23 years old I packed up my belongings, my dog, and my bird, and boarded a plane for the Pacific North West. Washington state would be my next and final stop. A state I had visited for 4 short days to tour the factory that would become my permanent place of employment. I remember getting myself situated in my seat, my cockatiel chirping away under the seat in front of me and my #1 sidekick beneath my feet in cargo. I dropped my tray table in front of me, huddled my head in my arms, and sobbed. Up until that moment the adrenaline and excitement had, thankfully, kept any emotions at bay. But now, now the tears flowed without abandon. Even as I write this I can feel my heart beat faster in my chest reminiscing about those clashing feelings. Sadness for what I was leaving behind, elation for the unknown and what was to come, and complete fear of being 3,000+ miles away from anyone I ever knew. I kept repeating my Mother’s endearing words over and over in my head, “You only have to commit to a year, if you hate it you can come right back home.”
It’s been more than 8 years since that day, and it seems like they’ve gone by in a flash. If someone had told me what was to come when I sat in that airplane seat and cried, I surely would not have believed them. What was set into motion that day, and even before that day, was something that I could never have dreamed of.
I remember many conversations with my male coworkers, many of them old enough to be my father (and typically acted as such), about how it was inevitable that my subroutine would activate. This is male engineering speak for “you’ll want to have all the babies”. We would argue and argue. I’d tell them I wasn’t like other women, I was selfish, and independent, and I had no interest in procreating. They’d fire back that their wives had tried to hold true to not wanting children for awhile, and then BOOM. That subroutine would activate and there was no turning back. I would laugh and just shrug it off, “they’ll see, no babies for this gal!”, I’d mutter under my breath.
My brother and sister-in-law were due to have their first child, the first grandbaby of our small family, and as I packed my things up to rush to the airport as my SIL was in labor, those male coworkers cheered, “THIS IS IT! You’re gonna smell that newborn baby and become infected, surely you’ll come back and that subroutine will be active!” I couldn’t wait to return and tell them how wrong they were! I was head over heels in love with my sweet baby nephew and it broke my heart when I had to leave, but in fact, I was more against having my own children than when I had left to meet him.
And then it happened. Not even a year later I would start dating the man that is now my husband, and sure enough my subroutine would activate, and there was absolutely no turning back. Never have I been so excited to admit that I was wrong! I realized that it wasn’t my age or the newborn baby smell, but in fact, it was that the qualities of this man that loved me were more than I could’ve ever hoped for in a partner and companion. I truly didn’t know such a person could exist.
After three and a half years there isn’t a day that goes by that my chest doesn’t ache from the fullness of my heart. It seems like both an eternity and the blink of an eye all at once and I can’t imagine my life without this kind, patient, and outrageously handsome, man by my side.
I think by now you can deduce what I’ve been hinting at here….my sweet Husband and I have the absolute privilege to announce that we are growing a human!! We could not be more excited for what our future holds and to bring a child into this world. Baby Byrne is due to arrive October 2016. If I had always dreamed of having babies, I would’ve wanted them to be Fall babies, my most favorite season of the year. <3
We’ve been enjoying every moment of this pregnancy. From the heightened sense of smell to the food aversions, we really never know what the next day will bring! We’ve also loved the visualization that some websites have provided for size comparisons of the little human in my belly. The night we took the pregnancy test Baby Byrne was just the size of a poppy seed, truly a miracle!!
In a few more weeks we will be getting our first ultrasound and will be finding out the gender of our fast growing poppy seed (now the size of an avocado from head to bum). We appreciate all the love and support we have been getting and can’t wait to share more as we stumble down this road to parenthood!